


Bets Against the Void

by redbluezero



Series: Red's SAO Prideweek 2020 Fics [1]
Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga), ソードアート・オンライン - 川原礫 | Sword Art Online - Kawahara Reki
Genre: Asada Shino Is a Panicked Lesbian, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Lesbian Character, Parallels, Web Novel Fanfiction, Web Novel References, she has comphet but its okay shes getting better, small steps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:39:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25713685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbluezero/pseuds/redbluezero
Summary: Shino hacks her way into the void to talk to Kayaba’s ghost in hopes that he’ll help her figure out her feelings for Kirito. Thankfully, he tells her that she doesn’t like him.He also tells her that she likes Asuna.
Series: Red's SAO Prideweek 2020 Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1864996
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14
Collections: SAO Pride Week 2020





	Bets Against the Void

**Author's Note:**

> Written for day one - small steps.

Shino flipped through the pages with a heavy sigh. It was a book she’d read front to back a few times already, so the skimming was just a way of procrastinating at that point. After all, she’d sapped up every last bit of information she needed from the NERv Direct Linkage Environment System (NERDLES) manual. All that was left was the hard part, the scary part; putting her knowledge to use.

She set the book down on her nightstand with a loud  _ thunk  _ and exchanged it for her AmuSphere. The least she could do was put it on. She pulled the silver rings over her head and pressed the power button. She reached a hand backward to make sure the disk was in place, then let the floating sensation overtake her.

Soon, she saw the familiar  _ ALfheim Online  _ loading screen. The next few seconds, though, would reveal whether or Shino’s reading had done her any good. If everything worked correctly, if she’d tinkered with her device enough, the screen would turn blank any second… 

The  _ ALO  _ logo disappeared and her Sylph wings faded away. Not only that, but she wasn’t a fairy at all anymore. Shino had regained her real appearance, though she was certain she was still within a virtual reality. Everything around her was white and empty. She’d most likely run into a few barriers if she walked around, but there weren’t any visible ones. It was an abyss of nothingness.

_ Huh. I actually made it through the backdoor. _

Normally, Shino would think it insane to want to wedge oneself into virtual limbo. But there was someone she needed to speak to, something she needed to ask, and the only way to do so was to go into the game’s data. It was the reason she’d pored over an instruction manual that she would’ve otherwise found boring as hell. All she had left to do was actually find who she was looking for.

“Sinon, right? How did you get here?”

_ Speak of the devil. That was easy. _

Shino turned around quickly, toward the sound of the voice. There was no sense of direction in the liminal space, but she managed to come face to face with him. A few paces in front of her stood Akihiko Kayaba. His brow furrowed as he stared right at her. He did not seem cross, but he still unnerved her slightly.

“Y-yes, that is correct. You  _ are  _ Kayaba Akihiko-san, right?” Shino asked, hoping to get introductions out of the way first. He looked like the real deal, but she had to be sure. The conversation ahead of her was going to be a doozy, after all.

“The one and only. I’m surprised to see someone else here. Are you good with computers?” Akihiko reiterated once he affirmed his identity. She grimaced upon realizing how impolite she’d been for ignoring his question.

“Um… No, I’m not. I’m a fast learner who likes to read, though, so the NERDLES manual was easy to understand,” Shino explained her thought process. The idea had come to her on a whim. She figured she’d be able to find a way to meet with Akihiko’s ghost if she paid close attention to the guide; it  _ was  _ written by him, after all. _ There has to be some sort of hint in here,  _ she’d thought.

“I’m impressed. You actually managed to piece together the convoluted steps I left in that book? We must be kindred spirits,” Akihiko replied in awe. He blinked a few times and left his mouth slightly agape. Shino didn’t know whether to take it as a compliment or not. On one hand, he was a genius. On the other, he was the man behind the  _ SAO  _ incident. Shrugging off yet another uncomfortable feeling, she admitted,

“That may or may not have something to do with the reason I’m here.” Akihiko raised an eyebrow, beckoning her to continue. A heavy yet hollow feeling festered in her chest, but she pressed on. There was no turning back.

“I saw your interview… The one from after your death,” she finally revealed. That caught him  _ really  _ off-guard, causing him to cough a little, so he cleared his throat before proceeding further.

“You… can access Wordgear? I wasn’t aware that this was Meta Metabolic,” Akihiko asked, masking his question with an uncharacteristic joke. There was a semblance of a grin on his face, though, which showed that he… meant it.  _ Maybe fourth wall breaks are his sense of humor,  _ Shino thought to herself before realizing that she needed to reply.

“We all can, can’t we?” she said, dumbfounded, “But that’s beside the point. I wanted to ask you to… elaborate on a few of your answers.” Like always, her words came out vague, but she’d  _ said  _ it. Already it felt as though a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. Not much of it, though.

“Oh? Which ones?” Akihiko’s tone was a clear indicator that he was intrigued at that point, so Shino decided to just spit it out. No muttering, no sputtering, just honesty. She straightened up, standing tall to hide the fact that she was trembling, and said,

“The ones where you admitted that you have  _ no _ idea how love works.”

Akihiko’s visage teetered on the edge of becoming a scowl. His face contorted in a different direction every few seconds before finally returning to his original deadpan. He stayed that way for a moment then widened his eyes as if he’d come to a conclusion.

“I see. You need love advice and figured you could only get worthwhile help from someone whose perception of the emotion is as unclear as yours,” he announced with a hint of triumph. He lightly bopped his left hand with his right fist to show for it. Shino couldn’t help but feel her chest tighten at the comment; he was spot on, as she’d expected, but it was still embarrassing to have someone say aloud and even more embarrassing to confirm.

“Y-yes, that is indeed why I came here… How did you know? Did you read  _ my  _ interview?” Shino asked despite that. She wanted to know how the gears in his head turned, if only to double check that they truly did move similarly to hers. And maybe because it felt a little disturbing to be seen through.

“Of course. The void can be… dull, I have to pass the time  _ somehow. _ Besides, I like keeping tabs on Kirito-kun and Asuna-kun,” Akihiko explained, “You’re close to them, very close.” The last part of his response had a strange inflection to it, as if he was implying something suggestive.  _ Oh god, oh fuck, that’s right! I… basically admitted to liking Kirito in my interview,  _ Shino realized. That was the only conclusion that she  _ didn’t _ want Akihiko to draw. She felt in her heart that it was true, but she wanted him to deny it— for her and Asuna’s sake.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Does it… have to do with the answer to my query?” She chose her words carefully, as to not dig her own grave.  _ His _ next few words would be life changing for her, so she needed to lure out the perfect response.

“The difference between the two of us is that I fully believe that what I felt for my colleague was love. The only thing is that society may not see it that way.  _ Your  _ dilemma is that you have yet to wrap your head around your  _ true  _ feelings,” Akihiko said. It was his turn to be vague; Shino hadn’t anticipated that response and she  _ certainly  _ didn’t know what it meant. His half smile returned, though… no, that wasn’t right, it was a  _ shit-eating  _ grin. He knew something that she didn’t and that pissed her off.

“What? Come on, out with it!” Shino didn’t care that she was being rude to the creator of  _ Sword Art Online.  _ Genius or not, he was acting as smug as the annoying Kazuto, who she unfortunately had romantic feelings for—

“You are madly in love with Asuna-kun.”

What.

_ What. _

“Haha, very funny, Kayaba-san. I am not a homosexual,” Shino scoffed. She crossed her arms in hopes that it’d make her look intimidating enough to hide her utter panic. That was all she  _ could _ do, really; her brain had gone off elsewhere.

She did  _ not _ have a crush on Asuna. She did not fall asleep thinking about how warm the older girl’s hands were or wishing that she could touch those hands once again. She did not  _ dream  _ about that warmth and she did  _ not  _ wake up feeling like  _ shit  _ after said dreams because she knew that they were  _ best friends _ and would only ever  _ be  _ best friends.

She was _not_ jealous of Kazuto. She did not spend _way_ too much of her day glaring daggers at him to the point that she convinced herself that she was actually _longingly gazing_ at him because _he_ was the one she had a crush on. She did _not_ practice fighting with her photon sword in private so that when she asked Asuna to join her in _GGO,_ she could impress her.

“What… makes you think that?” Shino asked weakly once out of her trip down memory lane. She chose to play dumb, not just with Akihiko but with herself as well.

“Well, the first thing that tipped me off was your word choice. You said that you wanted to ask me about a few of my responses, rather than a couple. I only mentioned my dubious love twice, which means there’s at least one more response that subconsciously caught your eye. Such as… my stance on Asuna-kun,” he began. He extended his index finger on his right hand, as if to count off his evidence. Shino didn’t quite follow his train of thought.

“What, that you find her fascinating? We all find her fascinating, so what?” she snapped back. She wished she’d bitten her tongue, though, because the subtext in her impulsive response was  _ not _ helping her case. Akihiko extended another finger.

“Ignoring that…” he muttered, otherwise sparing her, before continuing, “I’m sure you could infer from it that I was Asuna-kun’s confidant. Hacking your AmuSphere for love advice from yours truly seems a bit ludicrous unless you specifically needed advice from somebody close to her.” He justified his suggestion with a completely straight face, as if it wasn’t far fetched. Despite being in a virtual space, Shino felt as though she’d gotten the wind knocked out of her from the comment alone. He really  _ was _ eccentric, maybe even amazing. She let a few choked sputters out of her agape mouth before finding enough breath to respond.

“Wait, _that’s_ why?! If you’re going to make absurd claims, you ought to have a better reason!” she yelled frantically. It was the strangest detail for him to pay attention to, even if it was _exactly_ what’d gone through her head. She really _had_ wanted to talk to someone that didn’t understand love but did understand Asuna.

“I do, I’m just not finished. When asked if you liked Kirito-kun, you replied ‘probably’, which implies uncertainty. When asked if you’d steal him away from Asuna-kun, you said that you liked  _ her _ as well,” he argued bluntly. He extended two more of his fingers to match. He said it so matter-of-factly, as if he wasn’t at  _ all  _ saying  _ very  _ serious things, and it made Shino’s brain malfunction even more. At that point, she just wanted to pull off her AmuSphere and take a nap.

“I believe you are suffering from compulsory heterosexuality,” Akihiko finally concluded. His words were cool, collected, and cutthroat. She understood his tone at least, though she had  _ no _ idea what he was talking about.

“What does that even mean?” Shino groaned, pinching her nose bridge with her left hand. Her face scrunched up in disdain to match soon after. At least her day couldn’t get any worse, right?

“It means that you are pretending to like men because it’s socially acceptable, denying your attraction to women in the process,” Akihiko explained after a moment of pondering. He sounded professional, like a teacher, when he said it.  _ Wait, now’s not the time to think about school! _

“So you’re saying that not only do I like Asuna, but women in general? Exclusively?” she asked, unable to believe what she’d just heard. Her whole world was flipping upside down, and  _ not  _ because she was in a virtual space with no concept of “rightside up”.

“You were so irritated by the fact that Kirito was actually a man that you tried to ghost him after he calmly told you,” Akihiko pointed out. Finally, all five fingers of his right hand were splayed out; he’d finished off counting his evidence. He then furrowed his eyebrows slightly. He almost seemed worried for Shino, as though she were out of her mind for not believing him.  _ He’s the crazy one here!  _ She was beginning to get  _ really  _ flustered.

“No, don’t tell me you have access to  _ that,  _ too! Today’s been nothing but horrible reveals,” she whined, hoping to change the topic to fourth wall breaks again. However, as he always did, Akihiko latched on to a different part of her words.

“So you admit that you have feelings for Asuna-kun?”

“That’s not what I meant!”

Shino fell to her knees and let out a long exhale. The conversation wasn’t moving forward anymore. At that point, it was a tug of war and  _ neither _ of them had leverage— or so it seemed.

“I think she returns those feelings,” Akihiko added on. Shino’s eyes, though fixed on the invisible ground, widened. It was almost as if he  _ knew  _ that those words would get Shino to admit her feelings to herself; no, he  _ did  _ know. He was intuitive, that’d long been established. However, a certain fragile voice piped up first.

_ Don’t get my hopes up. Every time I do, they’re crushed right before my very eyes. _

“N… No…” Shino croaked in accordance with the voice. She leaned back into a sitting position, then pulled her knees up to her chest. She hugged them tightly, curling up into a little ball. For some reason, a familiar dusky despair had begun to grab at her from all sides.

Maybe it was because Akihiko had dredged up her part of the story. Maybe she was just having an off day. Right, she still had off days. Her problems hadn’t magically gone away after she met Kazuto.  _ Sword Art Online _ was only four-fifths done with… and she was getting sick of it. There was a long, long road ahead of her.

“I am viewing the continuation of the dream. I know what goes on in that little friend group of yours. Please believe me when I say that, just as it is okay for you to touch others, it is okay for you to love others,” Akihiko whispered softly after some time. It sounded like he was trying to… console her. He didn’t pat her head or anything like that, he probably knew better, but he did kneel down beside her.

“And most importantly,  _ you _ are loved.”

Shino’s head flung upward. She turned to look at him in the eyes, bewildered. That was when she noticed how…  _ powerful _ they were. They were gentle, but had a sort of sway on the soul that urged the truth to be realized.

“I am in love with Yuuki Asuna.”

She surprised herself by saying it. The seven words had left her mouth on their own. It felt refreshing, though, as if she’d taken her first breath of fresh air in a long time. Still meeting her gaze, Akihiko grinned far wider than before.

“Attagirl.”

**Author's Note:**

> Literally the most self indulgent thing I could've written because Sinon-centric + web novel shit + character analysis (yes, I am comparing and contrasting Sinon and Kayaba of all people). Anyway, I always thought it'd be amusing if the SAO cast were aware that they were in a story and had access to the website they were posted onto. I mentioned Meta Metabolic, a story Mr. Kawahara wrote about the possibility that there were multiple versions of himself that were somewhat self aware, in the fic because it's kinda where I drew inspiration from. "But isn't this a pride week fic?" Ah, yes, I heavily believe that Asunon has more basis in the web novel so I really just did all this fancy shit to yell "they're gay and in love!" about them.


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